Let The Skeletons Roam Free: The Truth Behind the Aftershocks of Rape
by Rachel Miller
A thick blanket of fog settles in the air when a rape victim tries to speak. People may say words of comfort until the fog wields the power of anonymity, thus revealing their true thoughts wrought with ignorance that passes down from generation to generation. These thoughts are put into action almost always in private against the victims. (Just search for rape on Medium and many headlines will lead you to examples of these ignorant and hurtful comments). The masks that hide public personas are the masks of true faces; once behind closed doors you see people for who they really are and what they really think. Those who hold the victim accountable for their attacker’s actions must not understand the whole picture. Let those who are not ignorant, help others understand the incredible impact words can have and the real damage that comes after rape.
I too have heard retorts (only spoken to me when no one else was around) against my own experience of rape. People I thought I knew spewed undeserving blame at me such as, “You asked for it because you were wearing a short skirt.” As well as, “You’re over reacting. You only had a few bruises.” As if rape could only happen at the same time as getting beaten. Most rape is not like what you see in the movies, and often times drugs are forced onto the victims so they are unable to fight back. The rape in its self is a violent act, you do not have to wield a black eye to reveal that. I see this logic now, but back then, I believed those who blamed me, and so I never spoke of it for that year. Instead, I kept the aftershocks hidden from further judgments. I felt guilty for going to see a councilor and so I stopped going for the rest of the year. I felt I was not worth their time. I did not receive the help I needed then because I believed that I was to blame. So you see, when a person has been raped, they feel as though someone stole all of their self worth; they are frail and confused. Without a support system, they fall prey to those who see only a girl who had sex against her will, not a rape victim.
People should be more aware of the impact false judgments have for they could be increasing the severity and duration of the effects rape has. I had no idea people actually still thought that way. Apparently, after reading some recent articles, they still do. Those who speak ill of the survivors must be in denial that rapist exist. That men are only acting on their instincts because “certain women” send off the wrong signals. They blame feminism, they blame the survivors, but interestingly enough, I never hear these types of people blame the rapists. Is it too painful to realize something that happens every two seconds in the United States can really be incredibly damaging? What of the men who fall victim? What of the children? Were they sending the wrong signals? No. This is not the side to blame when another person falls victim to such cruelty. Perhaps if they understand the accruing damage after the battle, they would place their judgments behind enemy lines instead.
Those who have fought in a war are not told that they are over-reacting to all of the horrors they witnessed. Do not rape victims and war survivors both suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Even a person ignorant to these matters could not be so blind as to think otherwise. For rape victims endure that moment far longer than the actual act its self. They are forced to re-live that traumatic event so thoroughly that they see and feel nothing else at times. The pain, the immense terror, the concoction of plan on how you hope to survive, are more than just echoes, they are visions that leave the person shaking in the corner of their own home until their consciousness returns to the now. These episodes can last minutes or even hours at a time. However, the aftershocks of each episode linger for days, even weeks, and occur and re-occur anywhere from several times a day, to a few times a year, until the victim finds a way to overcome the trauma.
It is a very long process to work through, effecting not just themselves, but everyone around them. Friends and family have not been told what happened to their friend or child, but it does not go unnoticed that their loved one is behaving different. Many times this puts more pressure on the victim to “get their act together” because the cause is not free to be explained. Some victims have felt unable to cope at all, and for them, suicide seemed the only way out of the pain. To those who have lived through rape: the pain will subside in time. The rapist can not hold power over you forever, not if you do not let it. Eventually, you will not only find yourself, but know your worth and shine brighter than you ever thought you could. There is always hope that the war will end. It took me years to find myself and let go of that pain. It took me years to be able to talk about my experience. Now, I can help others through theirs.
I too have heard retorts (only spoken to me when no one else was around) against my own experience of rape. People I thought I knew spewed undeserving blame at me such as, “You asked for it because you were wearing a short skirt.” As well as, “You’re over reacting. You only had a few bruises.” As if rape could only happen at the same time as getting beaten. Most rape is not like what you see in the movies, and often times drugs are forced onto the victims so they are unable to fight back. The rape in its self is a violent act, you do not have to wield a black eye to reveal that. I see this logic now, but back then, I believed those who blamed me, and so I never spoke of it for that year. Instead, I kept the aftershocks hidden from further judgments. I felt guilty for going to see a councilor and so I stopped going for the rest of the year. I felt I was not worth their time. I did not receive the help I needed then because I believed that I was to blame. So you see, when a person has been raped, they feel as though someone stole all of their self worth; they are frail and confused. Without a support system, they fall prey to those who see only a girl who had sex against her will, not a rape victim.
People should be more aware of the impact false judgments have for they could be increasing the severity and duration of the effects rape has. I had no idea people actually still thought that way. Apparently, after reading some recent articles, they still do. Those who speak ill of the survivors must be in denial that rapist exist. That men are only acting on their instincts because “certain women” send off the wrong signals. They blame feminism, they blame the survivors, but interestingly enough, I never hear these types of people blame the rapists. Is it too painful to realize something that happens every two seconds in the United States can really be incredibly damaging? What of the men who fall victim? What of the children? Were they sending the wrong signals? No. This is not the side to blame when another person falls victim to such cruelty. Perhaps if they understand the accruing damage after the battle, they would place their judgments behind enemy lines instead.
Those who have fought in a war are not told that they are over-reacting to all of the horrors they witnessed. Do not rape victims and war survivors both suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? Even a person ignorant to these matters could not be so blind as to think otherwise. For rape victims endure that moment far longer than the actual act its self. They are forced to re-live that traumatic event so thoroughly that they see and feel nothing else at times. The pain, the immense terror, the concoction of plan on how you hope to survive, are more than just echoes, they are visions that leave the person shaking in the corner of their own home until their consciousness returns to the now. These episodes can last minutes or even hours at a time. However, the aftershocks of each episode linger for days, even weeks, and occur and re-occur anywhere from several times a day, to a few times a year, until the victim finds a way to overcome the trauma.
It is a very long process to work through, effecting not just themselves, but everyone around them. Friends and family have not been told what happened to their friend or child, but it does not go unnoticed that their loved one is behaving different. Many times this puts more pressure on the victim to “get their act together” because the cause is not free to be explained. Some victims have felt unable to cope at all, and for them, suicide seemed the only way out of the pain. To those who have lived through rape: the pain will subside in time. The rapist can not hold power over you forever, not if you do not let it. Eventually, you will not only find yourself, but know your worth and shine brighter than you ever thought you could. There is always hope that the war will end. It took me years to find myself and let go of that pain. It took me years to be able to talk about my experience. Now, I can help others through theirs.