Falling In Love With My Body
by Shane Malone
(JACKET) I just had sex. I just had sex and it felt good! No. Come on! I just had mind blowing, earth shattering, what Edward and Bella had, S.E.X.
But why was this time so… (JACKET) gratifying? I know that’s the question on all of your dirty minds.
For the first time in...as long as I can remember, I felt comfortable in my body, not just comfortable, proud. You see, six months ago I weighed the most I ever had in my life. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be overweight. I just felt like my body was not my own. And that is a horrible, terrifying thing. (VEST BUTTONS)
Growing up I was never the skinniest, or the heaviest, I was always in-between. I remember feeling like that wasn’t enough. Looking back at my pictures I realize I was fit. Not just fit but healthy too. I didn’t develop any eating disorders back then because I was so active and I love food. Cause it’s pretty great stuff if you haven’t tried it.
But six months ago something changed. I was getting ready to graduate and the scary world was looming with every morsel I ate. At the time I was pursuing a career in the military and according to their “numbers” I was obese. Not even good enough to begin processing. Yes, I know they have those standards for a reason. (VEST)
That reason is how I soon found myself on the edge of having an eating disorder. (LOSEN TIE) I started eating less. I gave up my favorite sport because I came to believe it made me into a “buff” body type incapable of reaching those standards and my relationship with the scale became abusive.
Weeks passed and the results I wanted to see were no were in sight. One day I looked in the mirror and I remember I got angry. No, not just angry, furious. I was furious at those standards, I was furious at food, I was furious that stupid fold in my back, but most of all I was furious at myself. I realized that if I did not change I may reach their “standards,” but I wouldn’t be able to maintain it and I would not be healthy. (TAKE OFF TIE)
My next step I am proud of. I reached out to my friends. And as all great friends do they offer support, advice, or they lend an ear.
One friend shook my foundation and helped me to see my body without a misguided lens. One night she pulled me into her lap and forced me to look into her eyes as she told me what SHE liked about MY body. I was speechless. Then she told me to try doing that more often. Best. Advice. Ever!!
Her advice has helped me realize bodies are amazing! They lift us up, (1ST SHIRT BUTTON) sustain us, (2ND BUTTON) help us experience life (3RD BUTTON), and travel with us while we explore this beautiful world around us! (4TH BUTTON) Most of all…and my favorite part…our bodies somehow, with a partner…or by ourselves…are able to make us feel like we are on cloud nine, with a firework show doing a constant finale, while unicorns and narwhals dance the can-can on the biggest rainbow as glitter is exploding all around!!! How fucking cool is that?!?!
What? That doesn’t happen to you?? No??Everyone’s experience is different!! Bodies are FUCKING amazing!!
Her advice also helped me create a plan of action. This plan was to work with, not against, my body to become what I want to be. And if I met the militaries standards, well that’s just a plus. (5TH BUTTON)
My spring and summer was full of making a healthy choice at every meal and working out everyday. But most of all I made sure I had a support system to keep me accountable and was full of encouragement even if I fell off the wagon.
I also want to point out I treated myself one meal a week. You won’t stick to your plan if you don’t because here’s a little secret: you are not the only one who’s craving that chocolate bar, your body does too. So treat yo’ self!
(SHIRT)
Here I stand before you 25 pounds less, but I gained something priceless. I gained a love for my body. It’s not a perfect love. It doesn’t need to be.
Remember it’s never too late to gain control of who you want to be, yes you are good enough, and if you think nobody believes in you, too late, I do.
Now I’m not done sculpting my own beautiful, strong muscles, but now we’re on the same page. And body: tonight I expect to see those unicorns and narwhals again because you deserve it!
But why was this time so… (JACKET) gratifying? I know that’s the question on all of your dirty minds.
For the first time in...as long as I can remember, I felt comfortable in my body, not just comfortable, proud. You see, six months ago I weighed the most I ever had in my life. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be overweight. I just felt like my body was not my own. And that is a horrible, terrifying thing. (VEST BUTTONS)
Growing up I was never the skinniest, or the heaviest, I was always in-between. I remember feeling like that wasn’t enough. Looking back at my pictures I realize I was fit. Not just fit but healthy too. I didn’t develop any eating disorders back then because I was so active and I love food. Cause it’s pretty great stuff if you haven’t tried it.
But six months ago something changed. I was getting ready to graduate and the scary world was looming with every morsel I ate. At the time I was pursuing a career in the military and according to their “numbers” I was obese. Not even good enough to begin processing. Yes, I know they have those standards for a reason. (VEST)
That reason is how I soon found myself on the edge of having an eating disorder. (LOSEN TIE) I started eating less. I gave up my favorite sport because I came to believe it made me into a “buff” body type incapable of reaching those standards and my relationship with the scale became abusive.
Weeks passed and the results I wanted to see were no were in sight. One day I looked in the mirror and I remember I got angry. No, not just angry, furious. I was furious at those standards, I was furious at food, I was furious that stupid fold in my back, but most of all I was furious at myself. I realized that if I did not change I may reach their “standards,” but I wouldn’t be able to maintain it and I would not be healthy. (TAKE OFF TIE)
My next step I am proud of. I reached out to my friends. And as all great friends do they offer support, advice, or they lend an ear.
One friend shook my foundation and helped me to see my body without a misguided lens. One night she pulled me into her lap and forced me to look into her eyes as she told me what SHE liked about MY body. I was speechless. Then she told me to try doing that more often. Best. Advice. Ever!!
Her advice has helped me realize bodies are amazing! They lift us up, (1ST SHIRT BUTTON) sustain us, (2ND BUTTON) help us experience life (3RD BUTTON), and travel with us while we explore this beautiful world around us! (4TH BUTTON) Most of all…and my favorite part…our bodies somehow, with a partner…or by ourselves…are able to make us feel like we are on cloud nine, with a firework show doing a constant finale, while unicorns and narwhals dance the can-can on the biggest rainbow as glitter is exploding all around!!! How fucking cool is that?!?!
What? That doesn’t happen to you?? No??Everyone’s experience is different!! Bodies are FUCKING amazing!!
Her advice also helped me create a plan of action. This plan was to work with, not against, my body to become what I want to be. And if I met the militaries standards, well that’s just a plus. (5TH BUTTON)
My spring and summer was full of making a healthy choice at every meal and working out everyday. But most of all I made sure I had a support system to keep me accountable and was full of encouragement even if I fell off the wagon.
I also want to point out I treated myself one meal a week. You won’t stick to your plan if you don’t because here’s a little secret: you are not the only one who’s craving that chocolate bar, your body does too. So treat yo’ self!
(SHIRT)
Here I stand before you 25 pounds less, but I gained something priceless. I gained a love for my body. It’s not a perfect love. It doesn’t need to be.
Remember it’s never too late to gain control of who you want to be, yes you are good enough, and if you think nobody believes in you, too late, I do.
Now I’m not done sculpting my own beautiful, strong muscles, but now we’re on the same page. And body: tonight I expect to see those unicorns and narwhals again because you deserve it!