Dear Me
by Alexa Peters
Dear Lonely, Confused and Frustrated Alexa,
I know you’ve been having a hard time lately, and that things have been well, really stinking weird! But the truth is, weird is good—it means you’re growing and that you’ve entered new territory.
I know you think about that quote, “it’s the journey, not the destination,” quite a bit and that sometimes you wish it weren’t true. If life were all about destinations, it’d be a whole ton less stressful. Then you could trust that those moments of incandescent happiness would be preserved for as long as you wanted them. Things would stop moving so fast.
The scent of his hair after a shower, the softness of his jersey sheets, the cyan of his eyes inches from yours--all of that would’ve stayed in your life and never threatened to escape. Your perfect desk job would’ve never become unfulfilling or boring. The see-you-tomorrow-night-to-drink-wine-on-the-floor-and-do-crafts-kinds of girlfriends wouldn’t be seen so rarely now. That lush, rainy, possibility-full campus you never thought you’d get enough of wouldn’t feel so tiresome.
But, my dear, those constants in your life have squirmed free of your grasp, or more accurately, your heart squirmed free of them. Now, you need something new to hold onto.
So, you can call yourself lonely and restless, but I prefer to say that you’ve been blessed with an excitement for the new and different. A “free spirit,” as some would say. Proudly brandish the badge that says, Alexa “excited to live” Peters, for it’s you and it makes you happy to explore, as scary as it is.
Yes, I know. I know you still miss him and wish you could’ve just made things work. I know you miss your old coworkers, and the familiarity of your desk. I know you miss the settled feeling you used to get sitting by fountain in Red Square, or in the student-filled Underground Coffee Shop. You wish you weren’t so adventuresome and inquisitive and restless. But do you really wish that? Do you really wish to give up on your quest for fulfillment? For a beautiful life?
Respect your journey, dearie, no matter how attached to the past you are. Choosing to change and move on is okay. As Amy Poehler says, “The only thing you can count on in this life is change.” Feel free to cry for the time you skipped rocks on a frozen pond in Eastern Washington with your ex-boyfriend, or camped with him under the stars, or watched Boratwith your college roomies, or first walked through WWU’s campus, or got your first real paycheck in the mail. It’s okay to feel nostalgic, but don’t wish for those moments to come back. That’s a waste of energy. Focus on the now and what you gain by leaving those things behind: amazing memories, a heart open to the possibilities of the universe, and trust that the highway of life has taken and will take you where you need to go.
I give you permission to change and I promise to be more forgiving to you for it. I know you have my best interests in mind. Most importantly, I recognize how brave you are. Breathe in your courage: you chose to give up a comfortable, safe existence to search the scary unknown for something more. You don’t settle, and won’t until you find extraordinary. Bravo! I am proud to call you, me.
All my respect and forgiveness and love,
Alexa
I know you’ve been having a hard time lately, and that things have been well, really stinking weird! But the truth is, weird is good—it means you’re growing and that you’ve entered new territory.
I know you think about that quote, “it’s the journey, not the destination,” quite a bit and that sometimes you wish it weren’t true. If life were all about destinations, it’d be a whole ton less stressful. Then you could trust that those moments of incandescent happiness would be preserved for as long as you wanted them. Things would stop moving so fast.
The scent of his hair after a shower, the softness of his jersey sheets, the cyan of his eyes inches from yours--all of that would’ve stayed in your life and never threatened to escape. Your perfect desk job would’ve never become unfulfilling or boring. The see-you-tomorrow-night-to-drink-wine-on-the-floor-and-do-crafts-kinds of girlfriends wouldn’t be seen so rarely now. That lush, rainy, possibility-full campus you never thought you’d get enough of wouldn’t feel so tiresome.
But, my dear, those constants in your life have squirmed free of your grasp, or more accurately, your heart squirmed free of them. Now, you need something new to hold onto.
So, you can call yourself lonely and restless, but I prefer to say that you’ve been blessed with an excitement for the new and different. A “free spirit,” as some would say. Proudly brandish the badge that says, Alexa “excited to live” Peters, for it’s you and it makes you happy to explore, as scary as it is.
Yes, I know. I know you still miss him and wish you could’ve just made things work. I know you miss your old coworkers, and the familiarity of your desk. I know you miss the settled feeling you used to get sitting by fountain in Red Square, or in the student-filled Underground Coffee Shop. You wish you weren’t so adventuresome and inquisitive and restless. But do you really wish that? Do you really wish to give up on your quest for fulfillment? For a beautiful life?
Respect your journey, dearie, no matter how attached to the past you are. Choosing to change and move on is okay. As Amy Poehler says, “The only thing you can count on in this life is change.” Feel free to cry for the time you skipped rocks on a frozen pond in Eastern Washington with your ex-boyfriend, or camped with him under the stars, or watched Boratwith your college roomies, or first walked through WWU’s campus, or got your first real paycheck in the mail. It’s okay to feel nostalgic, but don’t wish for those moments to come back. That’s a waste of energy. Focus on the now and what you gain by leaving those things behind: amazing memories, a heart open to the possibilities of the universe, and trust that the highway of life has taken and will take you where you need to go.
I give you permission to change and I promise to be more forgiving to you for it. I know you have my best interests in mind. Most importantly, I recognize how brave you are. Breathe in your courage: you chose to give up a comfortable, safe existence to search the scary unknown for something more. You don’t settle, and won’t until you find extraordinary. Bravo! I am proud to call you, me.
All my respect and forgiveness and love,
Alexa
